Lily's Stalker
by Tyem Marodyor
Summary: There's a stalker at Hogwarts! And they're stalking Lily Evans! And if you think you know who it is, let me tell you, you're wrong...
1. The Little Black Book

**Lily's Stalker**

**Chapter 1**

**Disclaimer:** I…don't…own (sob) Harry Potter… Ooh, that was difficult.

Lily Evans was your average sixteen-year-old girl. Well, as average as you can be when you're of average height, have red hair, emerald green eyes and you're a witch attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Anyway, Lily had two best friends. Emmeline Vance and Dorcas Meadowes.

Emmeline was a tall girl with brown hair and brown eyes who came from a pure-blooded wizarding family. She had an air of superiority at times, always bending Dorcas to what she wanted, if not Lily.

Dorcas, on the other hand, was short with long blonde hair that reached her waist. She had inquisitive blue eyes and wasn't what you'd call bright. She did have a sense of humour though, and Lily hoped at times that Dorcas' sense of humour would rub off on sarcastic Emmeline.

I bet you think you know who Lily Evans' stalker is, right? Well, let me tell you now, you're probably wrong.

**.x.x.x.**

_Madame Elfrida Clagg attempted, sometime in the fourteenth century to hold a meeting of all 'beings'. 'Beings' were, as she defined, any member of the magical community that was capable of speaking the human tongue. This meeting, however, was at once proved to be a disaster. The centaur members left in disgust at the fact that the ---_

"Lily, can you help me with my essay?"

Lily Evans looked down in horror at the blot that was now on her History of Magic essay. "Dorcas…" she said slowly. "You…You've ruined my essay."

Dorcas Meadowes rolled her eyes. "Whatever Lily. I know you can just clean that up with your wand."

Lily, who had been in the middle of doing so, pocketed her wand again. "That doesn't matter! It's the principle, Dorcas!"

Dorcas shook her head. "Are you gonna help me with my essay, or not?"

"No," said Lily, annoyed, as she tried to remember her train of thought. _The centaurs left in disgust at the fact that the ---_ What came next? Lily screwed her face up, trying to remember.

"You shouldn't do that Lily," said Dorcas. "You'll end up with wrinkles earlier."

Lily sighed inwardly. You could trust Dorcas to come up with a beauty or fashion reason why you shouldn't do something. To show her frustration at losing her train of thought and Dorcas' remark, Lily picked up a particularly heavy volume and slammed it onto the desk.

"Gee Lily, surely that book has a watered down version somewhere," said Dorcas. "And you need to help me, anyway."

Lily sighed, out loud this time. She turned to her best friend. "What have you got so far?"

Dorcas smiled and slid her parchment along the desk in front of Lily.

_A meeting was held, in the middle of the fourteenth century, after Burdock Muldoon was kicked out of the Wizard's Council, by his successor, Madame Elfrida Clagg. She said that 'beings' were any member of the magical community that were capable of human speech. This proved to be as problematic as Burdock Muldoon's meeting. Ghosts left in disgust at the way the Council did not care for the wishes of dead and only listened to the problems of the living. The centaurs also left in disgust at the fact that the merpeople were not allowed to attend because they could only communicate in Mermish above water. --- And then Emmeline kicked me._

"Dorcas, this is as good as something Emmeline or I would write," said Lily carefully, so as not to offend Dorcas. "Expect maybe the last bit."

Dorcas beamed. "I copied it well, didn't I?"

Lily nodded then realized what Dorcas had said. "Copied?"

"Yeah, you don't actually expect me to write something as good as that, do you?" asked Dorcas incredulously. "I was sitting with Em in the library, and copying her essay, and then she caught me and had a silent explosion before telling me to come here."

Lily nodded in understanding.

Dorcas saw someone come through the portrait hole over Lily's shoulder and immediately shoved her friend to the ground.

"OUCH! Dorcas, what –"

"_Silencio,_" Dorcas muttered at Lily and Lily could no longer speak.

"Oh hello Dorcas!" said a cheerful voice above Lily. "You haven't seen Lily have you? I've checked the library and that other girl, Emmeline, said that she had no idea. So I thought I might check here. Is she here?"

"No, I'm sorry, but she isn't Annapelle," Lily heard Dorcas say. "I think she went down to sit by the lake for a little while, cool her feet, you know? Yeah, um, she's down there with another girl, Lisa, I think."

Lily could almost see Annapelle beam at the information. "Thanks Dorcas! You've been so helpful!" Lily watched Annapelle's feet skip away to the portrait hole and disappear.

Dorcas' wand slipped under the desk and almost poked Lily in the eye. She muttered the counter-charm and Lily climbed back up onto her seat.

"Thanks for trying to take my eye out, Dorcas," Lily grumbled, picking up her quill.

"No problem," Dorcas said absentmindedly. "Oh, and you're welcome for me hiding you from Barson."

"Thanks for that too. Although, you could have told me."

"But that would spoil the fun of shoving you under a desk and taking your voice away, wouldn't it?" said Dorcas, now chewing on the end of her quill. "Now, what do I write next?"

"Firstly, get rid of _And then Emmeline kicked me_," Lily told her.

"Right," said Dorcas, erasing it with her wand.

"Then let me finish mine and then I'll help you," said Lily, scribbling quickly.

"Hmph," said Dorcas, looking down at her handiwork. "You know, Annapelle was holding that notebook."

"What notebook?" asked Lily sharply, her head jumping up. Dorcas looked at her as though she should know. "What notebook, Dorcas?"

"That notebook, you know. The one with the black cover. Her little black book."

"Dorcas, I am not present at every single conversation you have with Emmeline, you have to realize that," said Lily, desperate to find out what this little black book was.

"So you don't know what the little black book is?" asked Dorcas.

"No," said Lily, wishing Dorcas would hurry up and tell her.

"So you have no idea of the little black book that Annapelle carries around?" asked Dorcas carefully.

"No, and I wish you would tell me about it," said Lily getting impatient.

"So, you have never heard of Annapelle's little black book?"

"Dorcas!" cried Lily.

"So, should I tell you what Annapelle's little black book is?" said Dorcas.

"Yes," said Lily through gritted teeth.

"It is…" Dorcas said slowly, "the book…that Annapelle uses…to write…down…"

"Dorcas," Lily said threateningly.

"Annapelle…" said Dorcas, leaving bigger gaps between each word now, "uses…her…little…black…book…to…"

Lily raised her wand threateningly.

"To write down everything she finds out about you," Dorcas finished quickly.

Lily took a moment to translate Dorcas' rapidly spoken words. Her wand dropped to the floor.

"She writes down WHAT?!"

**.x.x.x.**

**Hello, whaddya think? Like it? If you did, please tell me so and I'll put up the next chapter. If not, tell me what's wrong and I'll make an effort to fix my writing.**


	2. We Have To Get That Book

**Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter is not mine. I just took a couple of characters and mixed them in with my warped imagination.

"So Annapelle," Lily was saying slowly as she and Dorcas were walking to the library, "has been taking notes…on me…"

"Yes," said Dorcas in a frustrated tone; she had been telling Lily that fact for the past half an hour.

"In a little black book," Lily concluded finally.

"Yes," said Dorcas. "She has. Get the picture?"

"So, all this information about me is in that little black book?"

"Yes."

"Like…"

"I don't know, why don't you borrow it from her and read it?"

"Actually, that's a – Dorcas, like she'd let me read it."

"Almost gotcha."

"Where's Emmeline?" asked Lily, her voice dropping to a whisper as they reached the library.

"I don't know, look for the brown hair."

"Dorcas, there are a lot of people here with brown hair."

"See, it's so much easier to find you in the library."

"What's that got to do with it?"

"I dunno, maybe we should look for you."

"Dorcas, I'm right beside you."

"Oh! Hi Lily!"

Lily sighed and shook her head. Then she spotted Emmeline's head, close to the desk she was writing on. She tiptoed over to her, careful not to disturb anyone else.

"Emmeline," Lily whispered.

Emmeline looked up. "Hey Lily. Whaddya want?"

"Do you know about Annapelle's little black book?"

"Yeah, she showed it to me."

"She showed it to you?" Lily asked disbelievingly.

"Yep. It has all sorts of stuff 'bout you in it. What times you go to the toilet during the day, what your favourite colour is, what your favourite food and sweet is, what your –"

"I've heard enough," said Lily, a furious expression coming over her face. "How did she…I mean…Huh?"

"Lily," said Emmeline quite suddenly, her eyes wide. "Get under the desk."

"Get under the what? Ew, there's like Drooble's Best –"

"Get under there!" said Emmeline, shoving Lily beneath a desk for the second time that day.

A pair of familiar legs appeared. "Hey Emmeline, hi Dorcas. She wasn't down by the lake and I asked around and there is no girl in Hogwarts named Lisa. Were you lying to me? Anyway, where is she then? Normally she's with you, but I can't see her anywhere."

"Oh, um, Lisa left, that's right," said Dorcas trying to cover up her tracks. "But, um, I think Lily went to the toilet…"

"Really?" said Annapelle excitedly. Lily saw her arm fly to her bag and quickly pull out a little black book. "Saturday, eleven thirty a. m., twenty-two seconds." Lily saw her return the book to her bag. "Thanks guys!" She skipped off.

Lily crawled out from under the desk. "She didn't…she wouldn't…she's a…stalker."

"We know," Emmeline said, turning back to her essay. She noticed Dorcas' hand sneaking towards it. She slapped her hand.

"Ow! I only wanted to get some ideas," said Dorcas, frowning.

"Your 'ideas' are normally written exactly the same way as mine," said Emmeline.

"Oh, shut up, the both of you," Lily said as Dorcas opened her mouth to retaliate. "We have to get that book away from Annapelle. Any ideas?"

"How about we break into her dormitory while she's sleeping and steal it?" suggested Dorcas.

Emmeline and Lily gave her a look.

"What? I can't help it if I'm a kleptomaniac," said Dorcas, shrugging.

"A klepto-what?" said Emmeline, confused.

"Kleptomaniac," repeated Dorcas, then she smiled sheepishly and emptied out her pockets. There were five spoons, six quills, an empty ink bottle and a ring.

"When the hell did this start?" said Lily, looking at the objects in front of her. This was the first time she had heard of Dorcas' kleptomania.

"About second year. I only steal from people I don't like, though. I don't steal from you, or Emmeline, or Siri –" Dorcas suddenly stopped and looked at her feet.

Emmeline raised her eyebrows, but Lily changed the subject.

"So, first we have to get this little black book from Annapelle, then we have to hide it from Potter."

"Why is that important?" asked Dorcas, pocketing all of her items and a stray bookmark in the process.

Lily looked at Dorcas as if she was stupid. "Potter…" she said slowly, "getting…a hold…of…that…book…not…good…"

"Oh," said Dorcas in comprehension. "Why is that?"

Emmeline and Lily groaned in frustration at their friend's slowness.

"Look," said Emmeline. "Do you know how bad it is if James Potter gets a hold of Annapelle's book, which contains almost everything about Lily, the girl he really likes in it, and uses this information to his advantage?"

Dorcas bit her lip in thought. "Um…really bad?"

"Yes Dorcas," said Lily. "Really bad."


	3. God Diddly Damn It!

**Chapter 3**

**Disclaimer:** He, Harry Potter, is not mine. Don't you get it?

**I won't do this too often, (maybe every couple of chapters) but I just wanted to reply to some of these reviews I've gotten… (Anyone who reviewed gets a virtual hug though!)**

_RavieGrint_** – Glad you still like! I really have fun writing the Dorcas bits 'cause she so much like me…haha!**

_Stella CRUNK_** – Oh, you just wait…you'll see what happens…**

_full time freak_** – You'd better like my writing! Hehe, nah, course I realize you're busy with grade nine, but have you been getting more homework than me or something? Glad you still read my stories though. That's all that matters…**

_MahoganyEmbersIsAGobstopper_** – How did you come up with that name? Hehe, yes, Lily's stalker has her reasons…thanks to RavieGrint (winks)**

"Why is Evans hiding under that desk?" asked James Potter curiously as he looked over to the opposite side of the library.

"She likes to chew the gum that's under there," remarked Remus Lupin dryly, as he tried to write his essay whilst fighting off Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew at the same time.

"Moony, be serious."

"Get away Padfoot! Write your own essay! Huh? Oh, she's hiding from that Annapelle Barson girl; see the one with blonde curls?"

"Why would she hide from her? She looks like a sweet kid," said James, watching Annapelle chat to Emmeline and Dorcas.

"Maybe, but she's stalking Lily," said Remus, slapping Peter's hand.

"How dare she! I am the only one who is allowed to stalk –!"

"Shut up, do you want us to get thrown out?" hissed Remus, with a glance at Madam Pince, who was watching them between the shelves.

"Sorry," James muttered. He looked back over at Annapelle. "What's that book she has? Do second years get a different textbook these days?"

"No," said Remus in a tone that suggested that James was stupid to think such a thing. "That's Annapelle's little black book."

Sirius' head shot up so quickly, he cricked his neck. Rubbing it, he asked in an amazed tone, "A second year has a little black book? Wow, she's a bit of a –"

Remus looked at Sirius and sighed. "Although it sounds like that, it's not. It's the book that she uses to write everything about Lily in. So that someone will like her."

James' expression turned eager. "Everything about Lily Evans?" he said, apparently ignoring the last remark.

"Everything about Lily Evans," repeated Remus. "Now will you let me get on with my essay?"

"Sure!" said James enthusiastically. He grabbed Sirius' arm. "Come on. We have a new mission."

"If it's a prank, I can't do one on an empty stomach," moaned Sirius.

"It's not a – Or is it? I dunno," James said. "I'm hungry too; let's go to the kitchens."

"Yay!" cried Sirius and he ran off in the direction of the kitchens, pushing a group of second-year Ravenclaws out of the way in the process. He reached up and tickled the green pear upon reaching the painting of a bowl of fruit, and he and James stepped in to be greeted by hundreds of house-elves.

"Just some snacks," said James.

"One hundred profiteroles!" yelled Sirius. The house-elves hurried off to make the orders and soon both Sirius and James had their bags full of profiteroles and snacks.

"Why did you want one hundred profiteroles?" asked James, as they headed to Gryffindor common room.

"I dunno," replied Sirius. "I just feel like profiteroles."

James raised his eyebrows but said no more.

They reached the portrait hole. "Sour muffins," said Sirius in a bored tone as he bit into a profiterole.

The Fat Lady smiled and the portrait swung open. As they scrambled through, Sirius said, "She must have gotten pretty bored to think of sour muffins as the password."

James nodded in agreement.

Sirius pushed a few third-years out of the way and slumped into an armchair by the fire. Emptying his bag onto the floor, Sirius picked up a pile of profiteroles and began stuffing his face with them.

James shook his head with disgust at Sirius' pig-like feeding, when the portrait hole swung open.

"Annapelle Barson!" cried James, standing up and rubbing his hands together.

Annapelle jumped in surprise and dropped her bag. Books and quills spread out over the floor. Blushing deeply, Annapelle flew down to the ground to pick her things up. James kindly helped her.

As he handed her the last quill, Annapelle went even redder and muttered, "Thank you."

Little did she know, James had picked up a small, black notebook and was slipping it into his pocket.

"Didn't mean to scare you, Annapelle," said James, although he had. "Just wanted to know if you take Herbology or not." Lame excuse, he thought in his head.

"Do I! I love Herbology, it is the best subject!" gushed Annapelle. She went on more quickly, "I'm much better at it than Potions, you would not believe what I do in Potions! Oh, dear, the amount of people in my class I've set on fire…Professor Slughorn thinks I must have set a Hogwarts record! It's amazing really, I've set Thomas Hew on fire, Antonio Pratie, Sally Grenty…"

As she listed more names, James began to tune out. He was nodding absentmindedly, when suddenly Annapelle wasn't saying anything. Snapping back to reality, James saw that Sirius had thrown a profiterole into her mouth to shut her up. Mouthing 'thank you' at Sirius, James put his arm around Annapelle.

Annapelle swallowed the whole profiterole with a loud gulp.

"It was so nice talking to you, Annapelle," said James, hoping she wouldn't hear the sarcasm in his voice. "Now, my friend and I must be off, so I shall be seeing you." James grabbed Sirius' arm and tried to lead up the boys' staircase, but Sirius pulled out his wand and summoned the profiteroles still on the ground. He captured them in his bag and raced up after James.

As soon as they had closed the door, James began running around the room, yelling, "YES! Padfoot my friend, we have it! Annapelle's stalking notebook with everything we need to know about my beautiful Lily! This is brilliant!"

"Uck it oer ere," said Sirius, with his mouth full of profiteroles.

"No," said James, claming down and sitting on his bed. "I will read it first."

Sirius clambered onto the bed behind him and chewed his profiteroles expectantly.

James wiggled his fingers and went to open the book. It wouldn't open.

"What the…?" said James, trying to pry open the book. It wouldn't budge. "GOD-DIDDLY-DAMN IT!" he yelled, throwing the book to the ground.

"Alm own Ongsie," said Sirius.

"No! I had the book right in my hands and I can't open it!" said James. He stared at the book maliciously. "I s'pose we'll have to burn it so no-one else finds out things about my Lily."

"O! Oo an't! Hen hu'll hever head it!" said Sirius.

"You're right," said James. He began to pace. "Then we'll just have to ask Annapelle discreetly how to open her book."

"Iseet is i iddle hame," said Sirius proudly. He was still chewing profiteroles.

"I'll leave it to then," said James. "We'll do it tomorrow, at breakfast, got it?"

"Hight," replied Sirius, nodding solemnly.

"I'll read this book if it's the last thing I do," said James, staring at it on the ground. "I will read it."

**.x.x.x.**

**Um, if you wanna know, I say God-diddly-damn a lot myself. I got it from The Simpsons originally, you know, Flanders… So, you can keep on thinking that I'm weird, 'cause I am! And God-diddly-damn proud of it!**


	4. He Has It

**Chapter 4**

**Disclaimer:** I own about as much as my brother. Which is NOTHING!!!

Lily poked at her breakfast the next morning and sighed. Emmeline was eating and Dorcas was watching her breakfast suspiciously as though it would attack her at any moment.

Annapelle sat next to Lily with an exaggerated sigh. "You would not believe the morning I just had, Lily," she told the older girl in an overdone tired voice.

"Probably not," said Lily, still poking at her breakfast.

"First my roommate, you know Ingrid Hazelton, right? Yeah, well, she used all the hot water. Then I found out the Greta, the other girl, her cat got into my sock drawer so now I don't have any socks. And then…"

Lily sighed quietly. Why did Annapelle have to stalk her? Even James Potter stalking her was looking good right now…

"And it was gone. I don't really mind, but I have it with me all the time. But I'm sure it'll turn up."

Lily blinked. "What did you just say? What's gone?"

"You know, that little black notebook I carry with me. You must have seen it; I have it all the time."

"You've lost it?" said Lily, feeling her stomach plummet through to the kitchens below them.

"Yeah, but it'll turn up…Oh, hello James," said Annapelle, her voice turning shy.

James glanced at her. He gave a grunt that Lily knew meant "Morning," but Annapelle obviously wasn't used to such greetings. Her shy smile slid off her face as quickly as it had appeared.

"Good morning Barson!" said Sirius cheerfully. "How's the day been for you?"

"Oh it's been awful," said Annapelle, glad to tell her dull story again. "First Ingrid used all the –"

"That's nice," said Sirius, cutting her off. "Do you know anything about locking charms?"

Annapelle had looked disappointed that she could not tell her story in front of James, but she immediately brightened at the two words.

"Locking Charms? 'Course I do, they're my speciality."

Lily narrowed her eyes. Why was Sirius Black of all people asking about locking charms?

"Really?" replied Sirius. "Tell me about them."

So for the next ten minutes, Annapelle rattled on about all the different types of locking and unlocking charms, from Alohomora to Obfirmo.

"But of course, nothing works as well as the spell I have on my little black notebook."

"Oh yes?" said Sirius, an extremely eager look in his eyes now. "And what might that be?"

"I can't remember its name, but I do know how to open it. You have to tell the book what the Greek word for unlock is."

"Honestly?" said James, watching Annapelle.

"Honestly," repeated Annapelle, nodding. "But I can't tell you what it is…" She smiled shyly again.

James shared a grin with Sirius.

"Well Annapelle, it was wonderful to talk to you on this fine day. Until we meet again," said Sirius, taking off his invisible top hat to her.

Annapelle beamed. "Bye," she said with a quick wave.

Lily jumped to her feet. "They have it," she said in a low voice.

"Excuse me?" said Annapelle.

"They have it," Lily repeated and marched out of the Great Hall.

"Come on Dorcas," said Emmeline. "I think we'd better follow."

"Oh, but my eggs were just about to jinx me," whined Dorcas, getting up from her seat. "They'll wait until my back is turned, and then –"

"Dorcas!"

"Alright, alright."

"What are you doing Lily?" said Emmeline, as they caught up with her in the corridor.

"He has it," said Lily, beginning to walk more quickly now.

Dorcas glanced at Emmeline who looked as confused as she was.

"Uh, has what?" asked Dorcas.

"It," said Lily firmly. She spotted James and Sirius ahead of them, their chuckles echoing in the corridor.

"JAMES POTTER!" Lily yelled at the top of her voice. "GIVE ME THAT BOOK!"

James turned and saw Lily's expression. "RUN PADFOOT!" he cried. The two boys took off around a corner.

"GET BACK HERE!" said Lily shrilly, but James and Sirius had disappeared.

Lily stopped running. She was breathing hard. "Where did they go?"

"Into a wall, it seems," said Dorcas in a detective tone.

"That's impossible!" said Lily, sounding exasperated.

"No it's not," said Emmeline calmly. "This is Hogwarts, remember?"

Lily looked at the wall into which James and Sirius had disappeared. "We have to get that book back from them. I know they have it."

"They'll get it open before we even get back to the common room," said Emmeline, who was always the optimist.

"No they won't," piped up Dorcas. "They didn't take three years of Greek lessons."

Emmeline and Lily looked at Dorcas with a strange look.

"And you have?" asked Lily with a raised eyebrow.

"Course. Didn't you?"

Lily and Emmeline looked at each other. Then they smiled. They were going to get it.


	5. Tyson Argent

**Chapter 5**

**Disclaimer:** I own as much as Fatty Foo does. Which is a swing, a plastic bird with no eyes and a mirror. Not Harry Potter.

"There is one slight problem though," said Dorcas, as she, Lily and Emmeline walked to Gryffindor Tower.

Lily stopped in her tracks. "What?"

"There was another boy at my school who turned out to be a wizard too." She looked at Emmeline and Lily's shocked expressions. "What are the odds, I know," she said, misreading their looks. "Yeah, um, so they might find out about him too."

They kept walking to the Tower.

"Oh," said Dorcas suddenly.

"What now?" said Emmeline. They had already had three toilet stops, six snack breaks and stopped to talk to a third-year that Dorcas knew somehow.

"I just remembered the boy's name," said Dorcas.

"So?"

"And who he likes."

Lily whipped around. "No…not me…Dorcas…"

Dorcas nodded slowly.

"Oh, crap," said Lily in a moan.

"Who?" said Emmeline.

"Tyson Argent," said Dorcas.

Lily moaned louder. "Not that git who thinks every girl is in love with him when actually all we do is laugh behind his back?" she said.

Dorcas nodded slowly.

"And the one who thinks, for some unknown reason, my name is Tabitha?"

Dorcas nodded again.

"What did I do?" said Lily. "He knows Potter likes me."

"Exactly," said Emmeline, catching on. "He has to have what James Potter wants."

"Why are boys so…?" said Lily. Her friends shrugged.

"It's probably only the boys who are wizards that are the idiots," said Emmeline.

"That'd make more sense," said Lily. "I remember a Muggle that used to live in my street, he used to give me flowers every week."

"Why?"

"I can't – Oh wait, yeah, that's right. He wanted me to die from my allergies 'cause I'm allergic to the flowers he used to give me." Lily frowned in thought. "Wait, that's not a good thing."

Emmeline rolled her eyes. "So, what's the plan?"

"We go into his dormitory, take the book, and keep it," said Dorcas, in a tone that suggested that Emmeline was stupid for thinking otherwise.

Emmeline glanced at Lily. She wore the same sceptical look.

"Uh, Dorcas?" said Lily gently. "I'm not sure that will quite work."

Dorcas raised her eyebrows. "And you have a better plan?"

"I do," said Emmeline.

Dorcas and Lily looked at her.

"Yes?" prompted Dorcas.

"Well," began Emmeline, "why don't we just get some other boy to take it from Potter's dormitory then deliver it to us?"

"Anyone in mind?" asked Dorcas.

"Well, Remus likes Lily, doesn't he?" said Emmeline.

Lily opened her mouth to retaliate.

"I meant in a friendly way!" said Emmeline quickly.

Lily shut her mouth and nodded.

"Well…?" said Dorcas, looking straight at Lily.

Lily sighed. "Fine. I'll go ask him."

**.x.x.x.**

"No. You should have kept a better eye on it."

"It's not mine! Please Remus."

"No. I am not taking something from my best friend. That would also class me as a thief."

"Why are you so annoyingly serious about everything?"

"I dunno, that's how I like to be."

"Please Remus; I'll do anything if you can get me that book."

"Anything, eh? Does that include doing Sirius' homework instead of me having to do it?"

"Forget it," said Lily and she turned to walk out of the library. A sudden thought struck her. If he liked her, wouldn't he want to help her? She began running down the marble staircase, heading for the beech tree by the lake.

**.x.x.x.**

Lily couldn't believe she was asking him to help of all the people in Hogwarts. Almost any other boy would probably be glad to help, but Lily knew for sure that this one would be more than happy to help her. A lot more than happy.

"Tyson?" said Lily tentatively.

Tyson looked up at her and smiled. His friends nudged him and Lily felt herself blush.

"How are you today, Tabitha?" asked Tyson.

Lily wanted the ground to swallow her up. She remembered that you couldn't Apparate out of Hogwarts, otherwise she would have done it there and then. "Fine, thanks," she answered. "Um, you know James Potter, right?"

Tyson's expression darkened. "Oh yeah, I know him."

"Uh, he might ask you to open this small black book soon, because you know the Greek word for unlock," Lily explained quickly. "If you can, take it from him and give it to me."

Tyson smiled again. "Anything for you, Tabitha."

"Uh, sure," said Lily, becoming increasingly uncomfortable with this whole situation. She turned to walk away.

"Hey, hey Tabitha!" said Tyson.

Lily shook her head but turned back around. "Yeah?"

"Do you like your eyes?"

Lily looked at Tyson incredulously. "Huh?"

"Do you like your eyes?" he asked again.

"Um, yeah, I s'pose," said Lily, wanting to get away from the look in Tyson's eyes.

"I like your eyes," said Tyson softly. He winked at her.

"Right," said Lily quickly. "Remember to give me that book!" she called as she took off back towards the castle.

**.x.x.x.**

Lily collapsed on her bed in her dormitory. "I can't believe I asked him to get the damn book," she groaned as she took off her shoes and stretched her feet.

"Neither can I," said Emmeline, who was writing something hurriedly.

"What were you thinking?" asked Dorcas, who was painting her toenails.

"That he would be the only guy who would do anything for me," said Lily. She shuddered. "I don't want to think about the 'anything' part."

Dorcas screwed up her face. "Yuck Lily, you're sick."

"So are you," said Emmeline, giving Dorcas' nails a quick glance. "Who would want to paint their toenails that colour anyway?"

Dorcas looked offended. "This colour is the 'colour of the moment' right now," she said defensively.

"Baby-poo-brown is the colour of the moment?" asked Lily with a grin.

Dorcas threw her pillow at Lily. "Shut up."

"At least your shoes cover the disgusting colour," said Emmeline.

Dorcas rolled her eyes and continued to paint her nails.

"Who's the hastily scribbled novel to, anyway?" asked Lily, looking at Emmeline's letter which was nearing six feet long.

"My sister," Emmeline replied, still writing. She's coming to Hogwarts next year and wants to know about everything that I do. I write a letter to her every month."

"And is every one of them six feet long and written so small I'd be surprised if she even managed to decipher it?" said Dorcas, getting back at Emmeline for saying her nails were disgusting.

"Not really," answered Emmeline thoughtfully. "I think I sent her one that was a mile long a couple of months ago."

Dorcas screwed her face up at being proved wrong and concentrated solely on her nails.

"So you seriously asked Tyson Argent to get that little black book back from Potter?" asked Emmeline, now rolling her letter into a tight scroll.

"Yeah…" said Lily. "Maybe I should have just asked Potter nicely, now that I think about it."

"Like he'd give it to you even if you did do that," said Emmeline, sealing the scroll with her wand. "This is his chance to know practically everything about Lily Evans/Tabitha. Why would he give that up, just 'cause you asked him nicely?"

"He wouldn't know about me being called Tabitha, would he?" asked Lily, slightly scared now.

"Oh yeah," said Dorcas, looking up for once. "You would not believe the things that Annapelle wrote down."

Lily groaned and put her head in her pillow. "What is it with me? Potter likes me, I get called 'Tabitha', of all names, by Tyson, and I have a girl stalking me? What's up with that?"

"Well, I dunno 'bout Potter and Argent, but I do know 'bout Annapelle," said Dorcas.

"What? Wait, you know why Annapelle is stalking me?" asked Lily.

"Oh yeah," said Dorcas, as if she was all-knowing and Lily was just someone looking for her advice.

"Well? Why is she stalking me?" said Lily.

"You don't know?" asked Dorcas as though she was truly surprised.

"No," said Lily. "So enlighten me."

"You don't know why Annapelle Barson is stalking you?" said Dorcas slowly.

Lily had been in this position before. She grabbed Dorcas' most prized possession; her stuffed rabbit with one ear, Flop-Mop. "Flop-Mop might lose another ear if you don't tell me right now why Annapelle Barson is stalking me," said Lily ominously.

Dorcas went pale. "I'll tell you!" she cried. "Just don't hurt Flop-Mop!"

Lily dropped the bunny. Dorcas lunged for it, and grabbed it quickly.

"Well?" said Lily.

Dorcas patted Flop-Mop's head. "She likes James so she wants to be like you so that she can get him to like her because he likes you so much."

Lily blinked. "Okay…" she said, slowly digesting this information. "Wait…She likes James Potter? Voluntarily? No wonder she took to stalking…That girl must have Flobberworms for brains."

Dorcas shrugged. "Or else she likes him so much, she'll do anything to get him."

Lily went pale. She knew what that phrase meant.

Anything meant anything.

**.x.x.x.**

**Woohoo! My longest chapter yet! Go me! It took me a while, but now it's here and it's queer, it doesn't want anymore bears! Yeah, uh, I watch way too much Simpsons. Oh, and full time freak, you will know where Tyson Argent comes from…hehe. Wait…why am I laughing? Tyson is not good! Especially not the one at my school…**


	6. The Little Black Book Fight

**Chapter 6**

**Disclaimer:** I own my mp3 player which I am listening to as I write this and that's about all. Oh, and my imagination!

"Guess what I found out!" cried Sirius, bounding into the dormitory.

"What?" asked Remus with a yawn.

"I know someone who knows ancient Greek!" said Sirius, his eyes dancing with excitement.

"Who?" asked James, eagerly sitting up. He had been fiddling with the stuck notebook for most of the afternoon.

"Tyson Argent," replied Sirius smugly.

Remus and James wore the same raised-eyebrows look.

"Tyson Argent?" repeated Remus. "Great job Sirius. I'm sure he'd love to help Prongs."

"Are you being sarcastic?" asked Sirius sceptically.

"No," said Remus. He sighed and hid his face behind his book once more.

"How come Tyson will love to – Oh my Merlin! Is Argent gay?" said Sirius.

"You are so slow Padfoot," said Remus from behind his book. "I was being sarcastic."

"Oh," said Sirius. "So Argent hates you, does he?" he said to James.

"Hate is an understatement," said James.

"Still," said Sirius, dismissing the fact that Tyson abhors James. "It can't hurt to ask."

**.x.x.x.**

"Hello, Tyson," said James, coming up behind Tyson as he ate his dinner.

"Potter," Tyson said with a scowl.

"I heard that you studied Greek at one stage," said James. "Just wondering if you could help me with a little something."

Something in the back of Tyson's mind reminded him of what 'Tabitha' had told him earlier. "Such as…?" he asked.

"It's a book you see," explained James.

Tyson smiled. "A book eh? Sure I'll help you Potter. Give the book to me tomorrow, okay?"

"Well, I'd rather –" began James, but he stopped as soon as he saw the look on Tyson's face. "Sure I'll give it to you tomorrow," he said quickly. "Maybe even tonight?"

Tyson smiled again. "Alright then."

James went back to sit with Sirius, Remus and Peter.

"He's gonna take it and open it for me," he told the other Marauders.

"Are you an idiot?" asked Sirius. "More like he'll take it and open it for himself. Don't give it to him."

"But it's the only way I can find out more about my beautiful Lily," said James. He gazed adoringly at Lily, who was sitting at the other end of Gryffindor table. She glared at him then continued talking to her friends.

"Why don't you start your own little black book?" suggested Peter.

All the boys gave Peter disgusted looks.

"Never suggest that again," said Sirius, shuddering. "I should be the only one with a little black book, but I don't want one."

"Excuse me," said James. "I am just as good as you. I should be the one with a little black book."

"Are you kidding me? You suck. I'm the one who needs the little black book."

"Oh, whatever. You know the girls like me better."

"Who holds the title of 'Hottest Boy In Hogwarts', hmm?"

"Me?"

"Wrong!"

Sirius and James lunged at each other and began to wrestle on the floor of the Great Hall. Girls all around watched them with longing expressions on their faces, as though they wanted to be between them, whilst Lily gave them repulsive looks and tried to eat her dinner.

"Mr Potter! Mr Black!" said Professor McGonagall, hurrying towards them. "Separate at once! I will not have this sort of behaviour from anyone in my house. A week's worth of detentions."

James gave Sirius a look of hatred before snatching up his bag and marching out of the Great Hall.

Sirius sat back his seat and ate the rest of his dinner with an air of aggressiveness.

Remus and Peter sat, feeling slightly awkward. Sirius and James had never fought like this before.

And Peter felt worse than Remus. He had a feeling he had started their fight.

**.x.x.x.**

**Sorry this chapter was so short. But please forgive me! I've made it up to you by putting up a nice long one at the same time! Keep on reading! (And reviewing!)**


	7. Emmeline Vance The New Homer Simpson

**Chapter 7**

**Disclaimer:** Imagination is all I own. I like borrowing things from J. K. Rowling. Don't you?

"Whoa," said Dorcas. "Somebody's angry."

"What?" asked Lily distractedly. She had been thinking about the books she hadn't read in the library. It was pretty hard, considering she thought she had already read them all.

"Potter and Black just had a fight, wrestled and –"

"Yeah I saw that," said Lily.

"Then," Dorcas continued, annoyed at Lily for interrupting her, "Professor McGonagall came over and gave them a week's worth of detentions, then –"

"Serves them right," said Lily, poking her potatoes.

"Would you stop interrupting me?" asked Dorcas, irritably. "Then James looked at Sirius as though he wished he was dead, grabbed his bag and stalked off."

"Hehe, stalked," giggled Emmeline. "And Lily has a stalker, haha…" Emmeline fell off her seat and rolled on the floor, giggling.

Dorcas and Lily gave her weird looks.

"What's up with her?" asked Dorcas.

"Stalked, Lily has a stalker, oh Merlin; that is so funny…" Emmeline laughed harder.

"Emmeline?" said Lily carefully. "Are you alright?"

"I'm better than okay," replied Emmeline, jumping to her feet. "I'm Homer Simpson." Laughing maniacally, she ran out of the Great Hall.

"And I thought she was the sane one of the three of us," said Dorcas, stabbing at her steak.

"So did I," said Lily. "Weird girl."

"Anyway," said Dorcas, changing the topic. "Are we going to Hogsmeade next week?"

"Yeah, I'd like to," replied Lily. "Dunno 'bout Emmeline though…"

"Look! A knight in shining armour! He's mine!" came Emmeline's voice. There was a crash of metal hitting the floor. "Oh, he fell to bits…Probably from laughter! Haha!" Emmeline's laughter echoed around the Entrance Hall and her footsteps faded.

"What is with her tonight?" asked Lily.

"I dunno. Maybe we should go follow her. You never know what she is capable of when she's in this sort of state," said Dorcas. Lily nodded, so they both took their bags and headed in the same direction of Emmeline's laughter.

They found her outside of the library, being held back by something invisible.

"Haha, you stalked out of the Hall and Lily is getting stalked…Why doesn't anyone else get it? Oh well…" Emmeline began laughing again.

James turned around as Lily and Dorcas approached cautiously. "Thought it would be better to keep her in one place," he said, running a hand through his jet black hair sheepishly.

Lily's mouth twisted as it always did when she was around James, but Dorcas grinned.

"Good idea Potter," she told him. "But we'll take her from here."

James released the invisible bindings and Emmeline fell, giggling, into Dorcas' arms.

"Stalked, stalker…Why am I the only one laughing?"

Lily raised her eyebrow. "I dunno. Maybe you should tell us what you ate today."

"Okay…" said Emmeline, her giggling faltering slightly. "Well, I had eggs and toast for breakfast, then for lunch I had a watercress salad, and then I went to the kitchens and had three litres of red cordial and lots of food with lots of sugar on it…" She started giggling again. "Doesn't sugar sound like stalker?" She burst out laughing.

James was looking at Emmeline with a nervous look. "Maybe you should just give her something to help her sleep or something…That works best when Sirius…" But here James' voice faltered. He clutched his bag closer to his chest. "Bye." He walked away from the three girls.

Lily blinked. "Okay…" She turned to Dorcas who was holding Emmeline awkwardly as she slipped out of Dorcas' hands with laughter.

"I think we'd better carry her or whatever," said Dorcas, who was falling down with Emmeline.

"Yeah, so do I," agreed Lily. "_Locomotor Emmeline_."

Emmeline rose into the air, still giggling, and Lily directed her with her wand in front of her.

"Weee!" cried Emmeline. "I'm flying!"

"Oh Merlin," said Dorcas, putting her face in her hands as they walked. "And I thought I was dumb and insane."

"Well, this certainly – Dorcas!" cried Lily.

It was too late. Dorcas had ran straight into a suit of armour and it hit the marble floors with a crash.

"Oops," said Dorcas, as she stumbled around. "I think I hit something."

Lily rolled her eyes.

"Look at you Emmeline!" said Dorcas suddenly. "You're flying! It's like…magic or something!"

"Yeah I know!" said Emmeline. "Hehe, doesn't magic sound like stalker?"

"Hey, yeah it does!" said Dorcas. She laughed and Emmeline laughed too.

"The funny things words sound like," said Emmeline, sighing. "Flying is boring now. Are we there yet, Polly?"

"I'm Lily," corrected Lily with a sigh.

"Oh you know, Lily, Polly, they sound the same," said Emmeline dismissively.

"Sure Emmeline," said Lily.

"Hey they do!" cried Dorcas. "You were right, the funny things words sound like…"

The three girls, two insane, one sane, reached the portrait hole.

"Draconifirs," said Lily, still supporting Emmeline with her wand.

"Ooh, having friend troubles?" said the Fat Lady, swinging open.

"You could say that," replied Lily.

"You're the second one this evening," Lily heard the Fat Lady say as she pushed Dorcas through and directed Emmeline through as well.

Lily wasn't really listening. All she really cared about right now was getting her two best friends to their beds. And in the state that they were in right now, this might take a while.

"Wow, look at the colour," giggled Emmeline. "Looks like something I used to do when I was little." Emmeline burst into hysterical laughter.

"Hey, it does, doesn't it?" laughed Dorcas. She looked at the fireplace where flames were burning merrily and some fifth-years were studying beside it. "Look Emmeline, fire!" Dorcas began running towards it.

"Dorcas! _Impedimenta_!" cried Lily, whipping out her wand.

Dorcas was frozen in her tracks.

Lily felt like a mother, walking towards Dorcas and shaking her head. And what she was about to say would make it sound like either Dorcas was only five, or Lily was her mother.

"Dorcas! You bad girl! Never run towards fire like that!" scolded Lily. She then shook her head and, whilst mentally kicking herself, took Dorcas' arm and dragged the frozen girl up the girls' dormitory staircase.

"Idiots…" she muttered, whilst leading Emmeline and dragging Dorcas. "How I even made friends with them…I dunno…"

Dumping the two girls, one giggling and the other completely non-moving, onto a bed, Lily began to dig through her trunk.

"It's in here somewhere," she muttered to herself as she rummaged through socks, notebooks and balls of screwed up parchment. Then she grinned as she felt her hand touch a cold, glass vial. Pulling it out triumphantly, Lily said to herself, "Found it. The Draught of Living Death…"

"You know, talking to a glass vial is pretty weird," said Emmeline in a serious tone. Lily turned to her so quickly that her neck cricked. As she rubbed it, Emmeline burst out laughing again.

"Do you know how much that noise sounded like stalker?" she managed to say between her laughter.

Lily let out a low growl and held out the vial to Emmeline. "Drink some," she ordered.

Emmeline looked scared. "S-S-Sure Lily," she stuttered, her giggling ceasing immediately. She took the vial and had a sip. "Niiight," she drawled and collapsed on top of Dorcas.

Lily grimaced. She took out her wand and lifted Dorcas into her own bed. Taking off the Impediment Jinx, Dorcas glanced at Emmeline before closing her eyes quickly.

"Yeah, you should be scared," said Lily menacingly.

Dorcas grabbed Flop-Mop and held the old, one-eared bunny protectively.

"Can we all sleep now?" Lily asked the room.

A small squeak came from Dorcas' bed as she squeezed Flop-Mop tightly.

A snore came as a response from Emmeline's bed.

"Good," said Lily. "Good night."

**.x.x.x.**

**Thank you, my wonderful, beautiful readers for getting this far in my story. You are to be congratulated, so I give you all virtual hugs!**

**By the way…uh, I realize now how that Tyson Argent thing might be a bit hard for people to understand since they weren't there. Let me put it this way. There is a boy at my school named Tyson, who thinks every girl is in love with him and thinks that my name is Tabitha. He also asked me that odd question of whether or not I like my eyes. Oh, and me and my friends like to make fun of him behind his back…And another thing! Everyone knows that 'Sarah' song right? Sung by Eskimo Joe or something? Yeah, Tyson put Tabitha in that instead… 'Tabitha, won't you tell me your name…' **

**See? Inspiration for new stories can come from real life too!**


	8. Soot Foundation

**Chapter 8**

**Disclaimer:** Yeah but no but yeah but no but, oh my God, this is like well sexual harassment, how dare you accuse me of stealing Harry Potter it was all that other girl, you know the one, she like has a new guy hanging off her arm every hour, yeah I saw her take it…Can I have my ten hundred thousand pounds now please?

"How is he brave?"

"I don't know."

"When has he shown courage?"

"In none of my memories."

"Since when is he like a lion, the emblem of Gryffindor?"

"Would you stop asking ridiculous questions about how Argent got into Gryffindor? I'm trying to study!" cried Sirius. He shook his head and looked back down at his parchment.

Remus, Peter and James all blinked.

"What?" asked James disbelievingly.

"Me," said Sirius, pointing to himself, "trying – to – study." He mimed writing something.

James narrowed his eyes. "We've made up remember? Remember the kiss and make up thing we did?"

Remus shuddered.

"Oh, do you think this is me trying to be better than you, do you?" asked Sirius.

"No…Well, yes," answered James.

"Well it's not! I'm just trying to bring up my Potions grade, that's all!" Sirius grabbed all of his things together, lifted his nose in the air, and stalked down the stairs to the common room.

"Well why don't you ask Evans to tutor you!" James yelled at his retreating back. "I'm sure she'd be glad to help you!"

"I might just do that!" Sirius yelled back.

James smiled in a self-satisfied way as he turned back to face Remus and Peter. Remus had one eyebrow raised and Peter looked like he needed to go to the toilet. But then, thought James, he always does.

"Uh, James?" said Remus quietly. "Why did you just suggest that Padfoot get tutoring from Evans?"

James' smile slid from his face. "I…don't…know…"

**.x.x.x.**

"Evans," said Sirius curtly as he sat at the table in the common room.

"Black," Lily replied, in the same tone. She looked to her book then continued to write on her parchment.

"Um…" said Sirius uncertainly.

Lily sighed. "What do you want help with?"

Sirius brightened. "It's this stupid Potions stuff, I can't believe it and I thought you were meant to add like two pints of the stuff, then I get landed with this. And so did James, I mean, we were partners but now we keep snapping at each other and – Oh no! It's the – I gotta go. Bye Evans." Sirius gathered all his stuff together quickly and ran off.

Lily was confused. But she shrugged and continued doing her Charms essay.

**.x.x.x.**

"Remus!" whined Sirius as he ran back into the dormitory. "Why didn't you – Maybe I should have – Can you help me with this essay, please?"

Remus sighed in a similar way to Lily, but he nodded. After an hour of trying to explain to Sirius that adding two pints was of course going to end up with an explosion, he gave up and decided to write Sirius' essay himself.

"Thanks Moony," said Sirius, rubbing his eyes. He leaned back against his pillows and sighed, relieved. "Hey Prongs?" he said.

James had his head bent down over a house that he and Peter were making out of an Exploding Snap deck, but he turned at the sound of his nickname.

"I'm…sorry for being so snappy with you lately," Sirius apologized ruefully.

James grinned. "It's okay Padfoot. But now that we're back on proper talking terms, I can tell you something."

"What?" asked Sirius, always eager for some gossip.

"Peter started it," replied James.

Peter let out an apologetic whimper.

"You know what this means, right Prongs?" asked Sirius, smirking.

"Oh yeah," said James.

Remus shook his head. "Not now, there are innocent little first-years down in the –"

"We're gonna get you Wormtail!" shouted Sirius, running out of the bathroom with two towels. He chucked one to James.

"Thanks Padfoot! Get back here, you rat!" yelled James. The two best-friends-again ran after Peter down the stairs, whipping his ankles with the towels. His shrieks could be heard up in the dormitory, where Remus was trying to write Sirius and James' essays.

"Immature…how do we have anything in common…" he muttered, picking up his quill and beginning to write an essay that he hoped sounded like Sirius.

**.x.x.x.**

"Oh Merlin, tonight was so much fun!" said Sirius, collapsing onto his bed. "Remember the Whomping Willow? Peter, you could have helped. It's hard trying to get away from that in a dog's body."

"Sorry Padfoot," said Peter, while James and Remus laughed at the memory. "What was taking you guys so long anyway?"

"James reckoned he could see Lily from the grounds," said Sirius with a roll of his eyes. "So he stood under the common room's window for ages, hoping that she would see a stag out the window and think it was cool."

"She didn't see me," said James sadly, gently poking the house of cards, seeing how hard he would have to poke before it fell or exploded.

"It was like midnight, Prongs, no-one would have seen you. Get over it," said Sirius.

"Okay, I'll try," said James, still in a sad voice and he poked the cards one last time. They exploded in his face.

"Nice look Prongs," said Remus, while Peter and Sirius were clutching their sides with laughter. "I'm sure soot foundation is what everyone is wearing."

James scowled. "Good-night," he said as he locked himself in the bathroom to have another shower.

Remus smiled and lay back into his mattress. He was really grateful for his friends, even if they were complete idiots at times. At least they cared about his 'furry little problem'…

**.x.x.x.**

**Aloha! Thanks for reading! If I could, I would send you some of the lovely cookies I baked today, but you'll have to make do with some virtual cookies! Keep on reading, folks!**


	9. On The Ning Nang Nong

**Chapter 9**

**Disclaimer:** I own Mr Leprechaun. He tells me to burn things.

"How are you feeling this morning?" Lily asked Emmeline the next morning.

"Is there such thing as a sugar hangover?" asked Emmeline, clutching her head. "Oh…What was I thinking?"

"You said you were Homer Simpson," Dorcas told, putting toothpaste onto her toothbrush.

"I did?" said Emmeline. "Wow, I did have a lot of red cordial…"

"Forget about it now," said Lily, brushing her red hair. "We've got classes today."

"What?" groaned Emmeline. "I can't go to class in this state."

"Sure you can," said Dorcas. "Remember when I had to go to class when I drank all that Firewhiskey as a bet?"

Emmeline giggled. "That was classic. You were asleep in Transfiguration, and McGonagall had to let off Filibuster's Fireworks to wake you up."

Dorcas smiled. "I can still remember her face when I opened my eyes…I should have taken a picture."

Lily grinned as she tied her hair up. "Come on," she told her two best friends. "I'm hungry for some breakfast."

**.x.x.x.**

"It should be made illegal to have Potions first period," Dorcas complained as they trooped down to the dungeons after breakfast.

Lily nodded in agreement. She hated the way Slughorn treated her.

"Oh, Lily," said Emmeline. "I heard from Jake, who heard from Sylvester, who heard from India, who heard from Catlin, who heard from Remus," – Emmeline sighed as she said her crush's name – "that James gave Annapelle's little black book to Argent to open."

"That's nice," said Lily, still thoroughly confused from Emmeline's list of contacts.

"Ew," said Dorcas. "Speak of the devil…What is she wearing?"

"Huh?" said Lily, turning around.

"Lily!" squealed a small girl wearing violently pink robes. "What do think of my new robes? Mum sent them to me; she made them herself."

Lily blinked and swallowed to stop herself from throwing up. "Uh, they're…uh, nice Annapelle, but the uniform's black…"

"I know," said Annapelle. "I just wanted to show you them. Well, I'll see you!"

"Hey…Hey Annapelle!" Lily called after her as she began to walk away.

"Yeah?" said Annapelle, turning around and smiling happily.

"Have you found your notebook yet?"

Annapelle's face fell. "No. But I'm still looking…My trunk is almost like a jungle!" She laughed and ran off, her robes clearly visible amongst the other students.

Lily moaned slightly as they lined up outside the dungeon used for Potions class.

"Lily, did you even hear what I said before?" asked Emmeline.

"No," said Lily. "After you said three names, I tuned out."

"Well, I said that I heard from all those people that James gave the book to Tyson."

"What?" cried Lily, causing some of the other students to jump. The Slytherins threw her dirty looks.

"Keep it down Lily," said Emmeline, putting her hands on her head. "Remember? Sugar hangover…"

"Sorry," apologized Lily. "Excuse me while I confront Potter." Lily walked to the end of the line, where the four Marauders were laughing hard.

"Hello Evans!" greeted James. "What brings you to the Marauders end?"

Lily narrowed her eyes. "What did you do with it?"

"Do with what?" said James, feigning innocence.

"Annapelle Barson's little black book," said Lily. "I heard from Emmeline who heard it from…Never mind. She told me you gave it to Argent."

"Oh yeah," said James, realization spreading over his face. "I think I did that this morning at breakfast."

"Why?" asked Lily incredulously. "Don't you freaking well know, Potter, that he –"

"Knows ancient Greek? Yeah, that's why I'm letting him open it," said James, interrupting Lily.

Lily clenched her fists before storming back to the front of the line, where Dorcas and Emmeline were waiting expectantly.

"He gave it to him," Lily told them.

Dorcas and Emmeline sighed.

"Oh no," said Emmeline. "This will never end well."

**.x.x.x.**

"So, uh, remind me again why we are dressing up in black and sneaking up to the boys' dormitories?" said Dorcas, pulling on a black beanie.

"To steal Annapelle's little black book," replied Lily, pulling on her darkest pants.

"And, also, just remind about whether or not you actually know where Argent's dormitory is…"

Emmeline furrowed her brow. "It has a window…" she said slowly. "He told me once that he…" But here, Emmeline stopped short and went bright pink.

Dorcas raised an eyebrow, but pulled on her black shoes. "Who's up for a song?" she asked.

Lily fought to stop herself letting out a moan whilst Emmeline let hers out, and loudly.

"On the Ning Nang Nong, where the cows go bong, and the monkeys all say boo!"

"Dorcas…stop it," groaned Emmeline. Lily was now trying her best to keep a straight face and not join in with Dorcas.

"There's a Nong Nang Ning where the trees go ping, and the teapots jibba-jabba-joo!"

"Dorcas!"

"On the Nong Ning Nang, all the mice go clang," Lily was now joining in, "you just can't catch them when they do!"

"Guys!"

"SO IT'S NING NANG NONG, THE COWS GO BONG, NONG NANG NING, THE TREES GO PING! NONG NING NANG, THE MICE GO CLANG!"

"STOP IT!"

"WHAT A NOISY PLACE TO BELONG! YES IT'S THE NING NANG, NING NANG, NING NANG NONG! THE NING NANG, NING NANG NONG!"

"HONESTLY, QUIT IT! PLEASE!"

"Okay Em," said Dorcas, sitting down calmly on the bed she and Lily had just been jumping on. "Since you said please."

Emmeline let out a loud moan and locked herself in the bathroom.

**.x.x.x.**

"Okay, the plan is…Well, I guess we're gonna have to check every room for signs of Argent," said Lily in a hushed voice at the bottom of the boys' dormitory stairs.

"Absolutely brilliant plan," said Emmeline sarcastically. "I'm sure it'll be third time lucky."

It turned out to be fifteenth time lucky.

"If…" panted Dorcas, "I…have to…climb…one more…stair…I think…I will…die."

"Don't worry Dorcas," whispered Lily in an excited voice. "I think this is his room. Who else would share a dormitory with Lockhart and put up pictures of himself? Unless…"

"Don't even go there Lily," said Emmeline, who had recovered from her sugar hangover slightly.

Lily pulled a disgusted face. "Anyway," she said, changing the topic. "Let's find this book."

The three girls entered the dormitory, their wand tips ignited just enough for them to see and not to wake Lockhart, Argent or any of the other self-centred boys in that dorm.

"I think I have it!" whispered Dorcas triumphantly. "Hang on, it isn't locked or anything…Ew," said Dorcas in disgust and she threw the book back down into the pile of robes.

"What was it?" asked Emmeline, searching through a pile of autographing quills.

"Lockhart's…" Dorcas shuddered. "Little black book. A proper one. With comments…and signatures…"

The other girls shuddered.

Finally, Lily threw her wand down in disgust. "It's not here!" she moaned quietly. "Oh, where is it?"

Emmeline put a comforting arm around her best friend. "We'll find it, Lily," she told her. "It has to be in this school somewhere…"

"In anyone's hands," added Dorcas, trying to be helpful.

Emmeline glared at her. "Which we will burn for touching the book."

"And anyone's eyes could be reading it," added Dorcas. "All that stuff about how you go to the toilet, and your favourite things, what you're allergic to…"

"Dorcas," Emmeline hissed. "You're not helping."

"Sorry," muttered Dorcas. "Come on, I'm tired and Emmeline needs to recover more from her sugar hangover."

As Lily left with Emmeline guiding her, she couldn't help wondering, who the hell had Annapelle's little black book?

**.x.x.x.**

**Just a note to say a big thank you to all of you lovely people who have reviewed! And that song that Lily and Dorcas were singing is one from the old episodes of Play School. And my friends know how annoying I can be when I start singing it…Hey, full time freak?**


	10. Heads Will Roll

**Chapter 10**

**Disclaimer:** All I own are my precious ideas…ideas and my wicked sense of humour… (Which is used to depress people, I've heard…)

**A/N: The reviews I have been getting for this story have been so nice! All of you wonderful people out there who have reviewed deserve five virtual hugs! It makes me just wanna keep on writing, so that I keep you guys happy! Thanks:-)**

"So Argent, did you open that book for me?"

Tyson glanced up at James, and then turned back to his toast to hide his frown. "What? Oh, uh, I'll just find it for you." He began to rummage through his bag. "What the…"

James felt his stomach waver. _No, he couldn't have…_

"I can't find it," said Tyson, digging through his bag more urgently. "Where the – Hello Tabitha."

His voice became smoother and James looked up. Lily was standing there and looking between the two.

"Potter, Argent," she said tersely. "Which one of you has Annapelle's little black book?"

Tyson raised his eyebrows. "It's Barson's?" He turned to James. "You never told me!"

"Huh?" asked James, a puzzled expression appearing on his face.

"She's Scott's sister!" Tyson cried. He jumped to his feet and pointed a finger at Scott, who was sitting opposite him. "You took it! To give it back to that little –"

Scott jumped to his feet as well. "I never! It was Chris!"

All eyes now turned to Chris Dennis, who sat there with a sheepish smile on his face. "Um, how to get myself out of something like this…He paid me!"

Lily looked murderous. "What is going on here?" she yelled. "Who has the damn little black book?"

All eyes immediately turned to her and the Hall fell silent.

Lily went as red as her hair and her green eyes flashed. "Who has the book?" she said in a deadly whisper.

"He does!" said all the boys, pointing at one another.

Lily tossed her hair importantly. "That's it! If that book is not outside my dormitory door by 9 p.m. sharp, I don't care how it gets there, heads are going to roll!" With that, Lily turned on her heel and headed back to where she was sitting.

Tyson and Scott sat back down, and James stood awkwardly near him.

"So, uh, better give her that book then," said James nervously.

"I don't have it Potter, so I suggest you leave otherwise I will hurt you more than Tabitha ever will," said Tyson in a menacing voice.

"Okay, but who's Tabitha?"

Tyson looked at James as though he was stupid. "That girl," he said, pointing to Lily.

"Uh, that's Lily," James told him.

"See!" cried another boy sitting next to Tyson. "I told you! But you still call her Tabitha!"

"Be quiet Jon," said Tyson. He turned back to his toast and James took this as his cue to leave.

"Well, you caused quite a scene there," said Remus, when James sat back down with the Marauders.

"I'm surprised Minnie didn't get up you," said Sirius, shovelling forkfuls of scrambled eggs into his mouth.

James sighed. "Great. My one chance to learn everything about Lily, and bloody Argent lost the damn book. Or that Scott took it or that Chris gave it to someone…I dunno."

"Well, we can either stay in the school and hunt for it, or go to Hogsmeade and forget about it," said Sirius, starting on his bacon.

"Tough choice," piped up Peter.

"Well, I can't come to Hogsmeade anyway," said Remus.

"Why not Moony?" asked Sirius in a sad voice.

"Transfiguration homework."

James, Sirius and Peter roared with laughter.

"Oh, that's a good one Moony," said Sirius, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"That's not due for almost five weeks!" said James. "Loosen up Moony. Come to Hogsmeade with us. I'll bring the Invisibility Cloak…"

"Okay," gave in Remus. "But don't bring the Cloak."

James pouted. "Fine, _mother_," he said.

**.x.x.x.**

Sirius rubbed his hands together. "Please, can we go to the Three Broomsticks? I'm freezing."

Remus rolled his eyes. "You're wearing three scarves, four pairs of gloves, seven pairs of socks and two jumpers. How are you cold?"

"I just am!" said Sirius defensively. "Please Prongs?"

"Fine," relented James. They headed for the warm pub and walked inside.

"Aah," sighed Sirius. "That's much better."

Peter went to order their drinks, whilst James, Sirius and Remus sat at a table.

James caught sight of someone walking through the door. "Evans!" he called. "Come sit with us!"

Lily glanced at her friends, but they pushed her forward. After all, why would Dorcas and Emmeline give up a chance to talk to their crushes, just 'cause Lily hated James Potter?

Dorcas snuggled in close to Sirius. "Isn't it cold today?" she complained.

Sirius smiled. "Oh yeah, very. But not anymore." He winked at Dorcas.

Dorcas went pink.

Emmeline, meanwhile, sat opposite Remus and was trying to think of a topic starter. "Uh, I was going to write my Transfiguration essay today," she said, thinking that it was a lame topic. "But Lily and Dorcas forced me to come."

To her surprise, Remus chuckled. "Same here," he said.

Emmeline brightened and she and Remus chatted about the topics they were going to write about.

Lily, however, was stuck next to James. "Shouldn't you be at the castle looking for that book?"

James shrugged. "I'll look later."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Argent and all of his friends are looking for it."

"Good for them," said James, drinking his Butterbeer that Peter had just brought over.

Lily narrowed her eyes suspiciously. It was almost as though James didn't care about the book even though it held almost every piece of information about her, his long-time crush. But if he didn't think that he had it, who did?

**.x.x.x.**

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I mean castle, Tyson, Jon, Scott and Chris were all urgently looking in their dormitory for Annapelle's little black book.

"Ugh, Tyson, what happened to these robes?" said Scott disgustedly, holding up some robes with a murky yellow mixture stained into them.

Tyson and Jon chuckled. Then they hi-fived.

"That was a good night," said Tyson. "Hey, where's Gilderoy? He should be helping us. I mean he likes Lily so much…"

Tyson looked at Jon, then Scott, then Chris. They all stared at each other, wide-eyed.

"GILDEROY!" Tyson bellowed.

"Is there a problem chaps?" said a voice.

Gilderoy Lockhart emerged from the dormitory bathroom, his hair charmed to its perfect wave and wearing a turquoise bathrobe with matching slippers.

"Have you, by any chance, seen a little black book other than yours?" asked Tyson.

Gilderoy looked thoughtful. "Possibly. Actually, yes. I thought it was mine, and I was taking it somewhere, but when I tried to open it, it appeared to be stuck. Then someone else offered me twenty Galleons and a night with Ashleigh Wend, so I gave the book to them."

The other four boys stared at Gilderoy with open mouths. Then Scott spoke.

"Ashleigh Wend?" he repeated. "You got ripped off there, Lockhart."

Gilderoy looked superior. "That's what you think, Barson."

"So, uh, who gave you the money then?" asked Tyson.

"I dunno," said Gilderoy dismissively. "Some second-year."

"Girl or boy?"

"Boy, but then my memory is hazy. I had three Firewhiskeys with Joan Argot afterwards."

Tyson didn't really care if Gilderoy had had three Firewhiskeys with Dumbledore and then spent the night with him. All he had to do was find this second-year and get that book to Tabitha.

**.x.x.x.**

"Look, we really should get going," said Lily, pinching Emmeline, so she would take the hint.

"Oh yeah…" said Emmeline. "We have some important…uh, shopping to do."

"Mind if we join you?" asked James, as Lily, Emmeline and Dorcas stood up, Dorcas with quite a bit of tugging from Emmeline.

"Yes, actually, we would mind," said Lily. "Good day, Potter."

Lily lead her two friends out of the pub, and into the chilly air outside.

"What shopping Lily?" asked Dorcas. "It had better be important 'cause me and Sirius were really connecting."

"Yeah, by your lips," said Emmeline.

Dorcas frowned. "Just 'cause all you could do with Remus was talk doesn't mean you have to be jealous of me and Fuzzy Bear."

Lily and Emmeline exchanged glances.

"Fuzzy Bear?" repeated Lily. "This is the first time you've even spoken to him, yet you've already given him a pet name?"

Dorcas looked defensive and she tossed her hair. "It is not the first time."

"Dorcas," said Emmeline. "That time in potions in second-year, when you had to say sorry 'cause you spilt your Swelling Solution all over him, does not count."

Dorcas didn't say any more.

"Ooh," said Emmeline, looking into a store's window. "Wow, I need a new quill…"

"Emmeline, I will not let you pay fifty Galleons for a quill made from…what is it made from?" said Lily, also staring through the window at it.

Dorcas, meanwhile, had wandered off towards the Shrieking Shack. She wrapped her scarf more tightly around her neck and looked up at the old, haunted building.

"Psst!" hissed a voice from some nearby trees.

Dorcas turned but there was no-one there. She shook her head, thinking she was hearing things, and looked back at the Shrieking Shack.

"Meadowes!" hissed the same voice.

Dorcas turned around, a hand was clapped over her mouth, and Dorcas saw no more.

**.x.x.x.**

**I decided that this story needs a bit of action! Don't you think? What do you think might happen? Ooh…I'm having a hard time thinking of an idea myself. But I'm always open to my reviewers' ideas (as RavieGrint will already know!), so feel free to send them to me in your reviews! Virtual hugs and a big slice of virtual cake to all who review!**


	11. Kidnaps and Baseball Bats

**Chapter 11**

**Disclaimer:** OMG! I OWN HARRY POTTER! Okay…so I was joking…

Dorcas opened her eyes as a bright light hit them. There was only a brightly-lit wand in front of her, but everywhere else was black.

"Give me the book, Meadowes!" said a voice in the darkness.

Dorcas rubbed her eyes. "It's too bright. What book? Who are you?"

"Damn it, you told me that his would work!"

"I never!"

"What, are you kidding me? 'The bright light will make her tell us! It's how it's done in all the Muggle movies…'"

"I didn't say that!"

"Yes you did!"

Dorcas pulled out her own wand whilst the two voices were arguing. "This is so dumb…_Lumos_."

The light filled the room.

"A broom closet?" said Dorcas, looking around. "Aargh! Lockhart!"

Gilderoy flashed his teeth at her. "Hi Meadowes! Now, you have made this so much easier on my poor sensitive eyes…and we wouldn't want poor Gilderoy to have to get glasses, now would we?"

Dorcas opened her mouth to say, yes actually, that might make you look better, but she stopped when she caught sight of the other person. "Eek! I'm in a broom closet with Lockhart and _Argent_!"

Tyson grinned. "Hey sexy, what cha doin' later?"

"Uh, I'm busy," said Dorcas, trying to sound apologetic. "What the hell are we doing in here?"

"Trying to find Barson's little black book," said Gilderoy sadly. "A second-year took it, but then we thought maybe Evans –"

"Tabitha," put in Tyson.

"Uh, yeah, her," said Gilderoy, giving Tyson a funny look. "We thought that maybe she had it by now, and since you're her best friend, we figured you would know where Evans –"

"Tabitha," corrected Tyson again.

"Yeah, that girl," said Gilderoy, giving Tyson another funny look. "We figured you would know where she had stashed the book that has everything about her in it."

Now it was Dorcas' turn to give them both a funny look. "Uh, Lily doesn't have the book. And you guys were supposed to deliver it to her door at, like," Dorcas glanced at her watch, "nine! And right now, it's ten! Wow," said Dorcas, furrowing her brows. "Has my watch gotten faster or what?"

"Uh, we knocked you out a little hard," said Gilderoy, not meeting her eye. "So, yeah, a few hours passed by."

"Well, I guess I can help you guys find this second year," said Dorcas. "After all, this is my best friend's privacy at stake."

"Right!" said Gilderoy and Tyson happily.

**.x.x.x.**

"So, uh, have you seen Dorcas, Lily?"

"Emmeline! I'm getting changed!"

"You're getting ready for bed."

"Well, I still need my private time."

"To do what?"

Silence greeted this question. Emmeline shrugged. "Anyway, where's Dorcas?"

"In the bathroom."

"Uh, you're in the bathroom. How is she in there with you if you won't let me in?"

"Well…Hey, she's not in here!"

Emmeline sighed. "Duh," she muttered.

"Where's Dorcas, Emmeline?" asked Lily.

Emmeline sighed again. "That's what I've been asking you!" she said impatiently.

"Okay…how did we lose our best friend?"

"I dunno," replied Emmeline. "Maybe she fell into a ditch. Maybe her new hair product is mud, to match her toenails."

Lily came out of the bathroom, a scolding look on her face. "Don't be mean, Emmeline," she said. "Well, where can she be?"

Emmeline shrugged. "Hey, did the boys leave the book outside?"

Lily glanced at her clock. "Oh yeah! I'd better check." Lily hurried over to the dormitory door and opened it. She glanced down at the ground. Lily turned back around, a furious expression on her face.

"WHERE IS IT?" she screamed.

Emmeline winced. It's only a book, she thought. Just a book with practically everything about you in it, including toilet times, allergies, holiday destinations…Okay, so maybe it is an important book.

"Calm down," Emmeline soothed. "Perhaps the boys are running late. Just lie down, and I'm sure the book will be here soon. I'll keep watch for it."

"Thanks Em," Lily said. "You're a great friend. You and Dorcas…" Lily yawned and closed her eyes.

Stupid boys, thought Emmeline, taking up position by the door. It'll be their entire fault if I don't get any sleep tonight.

**.x.x.x.**

Lily stretched and yawned widely as she woke up the next morning. She spotted Emmeline sitting on a chair, her head on her chest sleeping, by the door.

"Okay…" she said, getting up and walking over to her best friend. "Emmeline?"

Emmeline jerked awake. "Sorry!" she cried. "But nobody dropped any sort of book off."

"Oh," said Lily. "Right then." She dived to the floor and scrambled under her bed.

"Uh, Lily?" asked Emmeline, unsure of her friend's behaviour.

Lily came back out, holding a baseball bat. "I think I'm ready for breakfast."

Emmeline backed away slightly. "Okay…hey look! Dorcas!"

Dorcas stirred in her bed. "Huh? Wassthemasser?"

"Nothing," said Lily. "You can keep sleeping. I'm just gonna go knock out a couple of boys with my baseball bat."

Dorcas' eyes snapped open. "I'm coming!" she said and quickly got dressed.

The three girls walked downstairs and into the Great Hall.

"Oh, Potter!" said Lily in a singsong voice. "Argent?" Lily looked around the entire Hall, her eyes narrowing. "Where are they?"

"I don't see them," said Emmeline, looking around the Hall as well.

"Pity," said Dorcas. "I was looking forward to seeing Potter's head get smashed."

"And I was looking forward to doing it," said Lily. "We'll see about this. They are gonna get their heads smashed so bad the minute I see their faces…"

Dorcas realized that she would have to help those if they didn't want their faces smashed.

Although, she thought, it might make Argent and Lockhart look better…

**.x.x.x.**

**Hello! Another chapter! Thanks you guys so much for all of your support; it has really made me wanna keep writing!**

**Uh, just a question though…I'm writing this new story about ten people (Lily Evans, Dorcas Meadowes, Emmeline Vance, Alexandra Willow, Lidia Caracalla Thanks Genairco Girl ;-), James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Alexander Willow and Gilderoy Lockhart) all getting stuck on a desert island…Now since my stories are like viewed 'round the world, I'd like to know what you call the outfit that you wear swimming…You know, like your swimming costume or whatever. Here in Australia, I've always known them as togs, but I don't want people getting confused…So, at the bottom of your reviews, if you could please just put down whatever you call them and I'll try and work out what I should write…Thanks! ;-)**


	12. Perhaps The Library

**Chapter 12**

**Disclaimer:** He's not really mine. I like borrowing things though, 'cause it means I don't have to be bothered with the fact that I own the thing…I think I've just confused myself.

"What are you two doing?" hissed Dorcas, slipping into an empty classroom. "You do know that Lily is hunting you down, right?"

Tyson shrugged. "She'll never find me," he said. "I am the master of disguise."

Dorcas rolled her eyes. "In your dreams."

"Well, now that you mention it, I had this rather odd dream last night about me pretending to be a dog, so I could get on this plane…"

Dorcas gave Tyson a look that immediately made him shut his mouth.

"So what's the plan chaps?" asked Gilderoy, looking at them both and rubbing his hands together.

"Don't do that," said Dorcas. "You are way too eager about this whole thing."

"Sorry," said Gilderoy.

"Right, firstly, do you remember anything about that second-year you gave the book to?" Dorcas asked Gilderoy.

"Uh…He was short…"

"As most second-years are," muttered Tyson under his breath.

"And he had blondey-brown hair…"

"As most people do these days," Tyson muttered.

"Oh and he looked sort of familiar, like one of Argent's friends."

"Huh?" said Tyson, jerking his head up. "Which one?"

"That one with the curly hair and he's always grinning…Chip…Chop…Something like that," said Gilderoy, waving his hand to dismiss his valid point.

"Chris?" asked Tyson.

"Yeah, I think it was him. The teachers call him Dennis though."

"That's his last name."

"Oh."

"So Chris has the book," said Dorcas, trying to make sense of this.

"No, a guy who looks like Chris has it," said Gilderoy.

Dorcas threw her hands up. "Helpful."

"Hey…Chris has a brother you know…and that day when we were all fighting in the Great Hall, he said, 'He paid me!'" said Tyson, comprehension dawning on his face. ( A/N:- Not something that happens every day, believe me!)

"Right," said Dorcas, grasping the situation again. "So we have practically confirmed that Chris' brother –"

"I think his name is Noah," said Tyson.

"Right," said Dorcas, trying to explain the situation again. "So we have practically confirmed that Chris' brother, Noah Dennis, took that book from Gilderoy for twenty Galleons and a night with Ashleigh Wend. Am I right?"

The boys nodded.

"Only problem…how to steal the book back from Noah…" said Dorcas thoughtfully. "And I wonder why he has it in the first place…"

"There's another problem," said Tyson. The other two turned to him. "He's in Hufflepuff."

They groaned.

**.x.x.x.**

Meanwhile, Lily and Emmeline were walking around the castle, searching for James and Tyson. And Gilderoy too, if he came along.

"This is pointless," complained Emmeline, whose legs were beginning to hurt from all the walking.

"No it's not, so stop saying that," contradicted Lily. She kicked down another classroom door. "Why aren't any of these rooms unlocked? It'd be way easier on my feet."

Emmeline sighed and collapsed to the ground, feeling exhausted.

"Get up," said Lily, trying to pull her friend to her feet. "We have to find them…"

"Give up," moaned Emmeline. "They're nowhere to be found."

Lily sighed. "Let's try the library. Then we'll have a break, okay?"

"Okay," agreed Emmeline.

**.x.x.x.**

"Hey Prongs!" called Sirius. Immediately people turned to him and made that annoying shushing noise that just ends up with spit flying everywhere.

"Sorry," he muttered sarcastically, heading for the table where James, Remus and Peter were sitting and studying.

"What is it, Padfoot?" James whispered, looking up from his Transfiguration book.

"Guess what little juicy piece of information I just found out from Jenny Hall?" Sirius said, squeezing between Peter and James.

"What did you find out while you were pashing this time, Sirius?" asked Remus in a tired voice.

"Lily's coming to kill James and Argent with a baseball bat," said Sirius triumphantly. "Isn't that interesting? What is a baseball bat, anyway?"

Remus looked mildly surprised. "I wonder if she plays? It's quite an interesting game really."

James, meanwhile, had taken on a horrified expression, his eyes wide, and his eyebrows having disappeared under his hair.

"She's coming to kill me?" he repeated hoarsely. "Why?"

"Well, not kill you exactly," said Sirius, trying to soften the blow, "Just smash your head in. But then I suppose that would probably kill you…"

James swallowed loudly. "You suppose it would kill me? Are you kidding Padfoot, of course it would bloody well kill me!"

"Keep your voice down Prongs," said Remus quietly, keeping an eye on Madam Pince who was prowling the shelves nearby.

"What did I do?" said James.

"Uh, not deliver that book?" suggested Peter.

James put his head in his hands. He suddenly heard footsteps along the corridor outside, slow and steady, and evenly-paced. Like that of an axe-murderer, he reasoned. _Axe-murderer_?

"Um, James, maybe you should leave," said Remus very quietly, catching a glimpse of red hair. "I think it's Lily."

"So did I," said James. "I'll take that corridor behind that shelf, okay? I think I might hide out in the kitchens for a while…" James hurried off to the shelves right beside the Restricted Section and slipped into a secret corridor that was concealed in the wall.

Lily entered the library, hiding the baseball bat behind her back. She spotted Remus, Sirius and Peter, and walked quickly over to them.

"You lot haven't seen Potter, have you?" she asked them desperately. Emmeline was waiting outside, on the ground and possibly unconscious.

"No," said Sirius in the best truthful voice he could muster. "But is that a baseball bat behind your back? Can I have a look?"

Lily shrugged, and held it out to him.

"Wow," said Sirius, turning it over in his hands. "That'd smash someone's head pretty bad, wouldn't it?"

Lily nodded proudly. "Yeah. Especially in the right hands."

"And they would be yours?" asked Peter.

Lily nodded again. She took that bat back from Sirius. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some head-smashing to do."

"Yeah, James already knows," called out Sirius. "He went to hide in the kitchens."

"Thanks Black," said Lily, smiling at Sirius. "You've been very helpful." She walked out of the library.

Remus and Peter both smacked Sirius round the head.

"Idiot," muttered Remus, turning back to his books.

**.x.x.x.**

**Thanks for reading chapter 12 guys! Wow, I never knew this story would get to be so popular!**

**And thanks so much for your help with my tog predicament! I got a great response and have decided they shall be known as swimsuits. Now everyone knows what that is right? Good…I hope you do. **

**Anyway, I have a new story called 'Weather's Here, Wish I Wasn't' and it's written in Lily's POV. She and nine other students are stranded on a desert island for almost a week. My friends like it, but they're my friends, so they have to like it. Please read it, I tried to make it funny…And I think bits of it are funny. Here's a sample:**

"Alex!" said Lexie. "What are you doing?"

Alex had a forkful of tomato covered pancake and was holding it up to his mouth. "Eating breakfast?"

"Your pancakes are covered in tomato sauce," said Lidia.

"So?" said Alex. He stuffed the forkful into his mouth.

Dorcas, Emmeline, Lexie and Lidia all cringed.

I, on the other hand, looked at Alex expectantly. "Can I try some?"

"Sure," said Alex, cutting off some for me.

I picked it up on my fork and put it into my mouth. It was a curious taste. "Nice," I managed to say, still chewing.

The other four girls looked at me as though I had just eaten some Flobberworms and announced that they were delicious.

"What?"

**What do you think? If you like, you can read the rest, by going to my profile, searching it or however else you find stories on this brilliant site! **

**Have a good day! I know mine's gonna be spent eating the leftover Easter eggs…Ha!**


	13. His Head Deserves Its Own Baseball Bat

**Chapter --**

**Disclaimer:** Hee hee, I got Harry Potter!!! (Is suddenly attacked by fans) Okay…now I don't…

**Uh, I hate the number that I cannot speak of, so that's why this is Chapter --. I would skip it, but FanFiction is determined to make me have a Chapter --, so that's how it must be.**

"Oh Chris!" called Dorcas in a sing-song voice as she, Tyson and Gilderoy wandered down some random corridor.

"Have you tried looking where he tends to hang out?" said Tyson.

"And where might that be, Mister I-know-all-about-Chris?" asked Dorcas sweetly.

"The kitchens, Miss Let's-look-everywhere-but-the-obvious-spot," replied Tyson, just as sweetly.

Dorcas gave him a look. "Fine. We'll go to the kitchens." She took a few steps. "Uh, you wouldn't happen to know where they are, would you?" she said, turning around and giving Tyson a sweet smile.

Tyson shrugged. "Depends on who wants to know."

Dorcas' face took on a furious expression. She grabbed the front of Tyson's robes and pulled him close to her face. "Tell me where the kitchens are right now, or I'll be forced to tell Lily where you are at this point in time, so that she can come and show your smart-ass head her fantastic baseball bat. Got it?"

"You've got pretty blue eyes," said Tyson.

Dorcas' face softened, and then it became a furious expression again. "Did you hear me?" she said.

"Oh yeah," said Tyson. "Something about my head, how it was so smart, it deserves its own baseball bat."

Dorcas sighed and let go of Tyson's robes. He stood up tall.

"You put a crease in them!" he cried, beginning to attempt to flatten them.

Gilderoy, who had been leaning against a wall cleaning his nails, immediately looked up. "Creases? I'll help!" He rushed over and helped Tyson get the creases out.

Dorcas groaned.

**.x.x.x.**

"We're off to kill Potter, the idiot Potter of Oz!" sang Lily as she and Emmeline walked down a corridor.

Emmeline groaned at her friend's lame remix of 'We're Off To See The Wizard'. She looked around at the walls in the corridor. "Lily, do you even know where the kitchens are?" she asked.

Lily stopped mid-verse. And she also stopped in her tracks. "Huh? Oh, uh…No."

Emmeline rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "Then where are we?"

"I dunno," said Lily. "I was following this ladybeetle."

Emmeline looked at her friend, an astonished expression on her face. "A ladybeetle? Are you kidding me?"

"No," said Lily. "It had seven spots, so I figured it would be good luck to follow it."

Emmeline sighed loudly. "Come on then. We'd better find someone who knows the way." She led Lily back down the corridor they had just come down until they found a seventh-year Hufflepuff. "Excuse me," said Emmeline, stopping the boy. "But do you happen to know where the kitchens are?"

"Sure," said the boy. "You just take that corridor off the left of the marble staircase and follow it til you come to the portrait of the bowl of fruit."

"Okay, thanks," said Emmeline, taking Lily's arm and pulling her in the right direction.

"Hey, wait!" called the boy. "You're Emmeline Vance, right?"

Emmeline looked at the boy, bewildered. "Um, yeah, I am."

"Will you go out with me?"

"I'm sorry," said Lily, jumping in to handle this awkward situation. "This is neither the time nor place to discuss this. And anyway, why should Emmeline go out with you when she's got Remus Lupin hanging off her?" Lily grabbed Emmeline's limp arm and pulled her away.

Emmeline's jaw had gone slack. "What did you…What just…"

"Like you'd go out with him anyway," said Lily. "Do you know he wears foundation? Yeah, he has all these disgusting red blotches on his face normally."

Emmeline was still disorientated. "And what did you mean about Lupin?"

Lily shrugged. "It's true."

Emmeline went to open her mouth, but Lily interrupted her.

"Look, it's the bowl of fruit!" she cried. Then she stopped and looked at Emmeline. "Now what?"

Emmeline looked back at Lily, the same look on her face. "Dunno."

Lily groaned. "Great. We should have asked that boy."

"Forget him, I think I know what to do," said Emmeline. "I think I heard the Marauders saying it once. Something about tickling someone…"

"Someone?" repeated Lily. "There's no-one around!"

Emmeline looked at Lily and an evil grin spread over her face.

Lily's eyes went wide. "Oh no…No, Emmeline don't!"

**.x.x.x.**

"So, what are you doing here?" asked James, taking a custard tart from a house-elf.

"Got hungry," replied Chris, stuffing his mouth full of apple pie.

"I get hungry," said James, taking a slice of cake from the plate in front of him.

"Mmm," agreed Chris, unable to say much else through the apple pie.

"But this time I'm on the run," said James.

"Mmm?" said Chris, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah, Evans is looking for me. Something to do with smashing me with a baseball bat."

"Mmm," said Chris, nodding. "Mmm?"

"I think she thinks that I stole that little black book of Barson's," answered James.

"Mmm mmm," said Chris, jabbing finger at his chest.

"Huh? You did it?" said James. "Why?"

Chris swallowed loudly. "My little bro paid me. He's in love with Annapelle you know."

"Have you given it to him yet?" asked James quickly.

"Well, you see, he took it in the first place from Gilderoy, then he couldn't find a safe place to put it, so I offered to keep a hold of it," answered Chris. "With payment of course." He took some more apple pie. "I've got it here with me right now though," he said, patting his pocket.

"Really? You know, can I have it? I mean Lily has been looking for it and well, I know she loves me deep down, so it would really make her day if I gave it back to her," said James.

Chris shrugged. "Yeah, why not. This whole thing is confusing me, and my brother can get Annapelle by not stealing her book." He reached into his pocket and handed the book to James.

James smiled happily and put the book into an inside pocket of his robes.

**.x.x.x.**

"Now, just go into this corridor here," instructed Tyson, leading the way to the kitchens. "And we'll find…Tabitha!"

Dorcas immediately went into panic mode as she spotted her two best friends down the corridor.

Lily turned around to find Tyson Argent, Gilderoy Lockhart and Dorcas heading down the corridor.

"What are you doing here?" she and Dorcas said at the same time.

"Potter," said Emmeline.

"Dennis," said Gilderoy.

"Right," said Lily. "Do you lot know how to get in?"

Tyson stepped forward proudly. "Sure Tabitha. I'll help you get in."

Lily groaned, but let Tyson step in front of the portrait.

He reached up a hand and tickled the pear. It giggled and turned into a handle. Grinning at Lily, Tyson turned it.

**.x.x.x.**

James and Chris looked up from their food as the portrait into the kitchens slowly opened.

**.x.x.x.**

Lily, Emmeline, Dorcas, Tyson and Gilderoy stepped into the kitchen.

**.x.x.x.**

**Ooh! This story is sadly coming to a close I fear…But I think I might like the ending! I'll try and make it funny and make it as detailed as possible…but I dunno if I'm a good action writer! I'm mainly humour or else fantasy…But I'll try my best for you, my readers!**

**Perhaps I'll write a sequel…One of the others can get stalked…How about James?**


	14. On The Run

**Chapter 14**

**Disclaimer:** It ain't mine. It belongs to that lovely little leprechaun who follows me around…Okay, maybe not him either. But I bet you know who really does own it….Can you tell me? 'Cause I don't actually know…

Sophie McCormick, a small sixth-year, was calmly chatting with her best friend Bianca Geoffrey over a late lunch. They were discussing their current boyfriends when a loud commotion shook the floor under their feet.

"What the hell was that?" Sophie asked, looking around, as though the thing would burst out of the floor at any moment.

"I dunno. Don't ask me," answered Bianca. "But as I was saying…"

**.x.x.x.**

"Right," said Lily, storming into the kitchen with as heavy steps as she could muster. "Who has the book?"

"His brother," said Tyson, pointing at Chris accusingly.

"Excuse me?" said Chris. "I am no longer in possession of the book."

"Whaddya mean, no longer in possession?" cried Emmeline. "So you did have the book!"

"Yeah, until about a minute ago!" Chris retaliated.

"So, who has it now?" asked Dorcas.

"Ja–" Chris began, but James made some urgent motions at him. "Ja– Janice the house-elf!"

All the house-elves immediately turned to one in the middle, so all the teenagers looked at it too.

"I don't wish to…wish to…contra– contra– contradict a master but…" stammered Janice. Then she stomped her foot on the floor hard, causing some plates to rattle. "I never took anything!"

The house-elves all looked at Chris furiously for accusing a fellow house-elf of something she didn't do. Then they immediately went into a rebellion mode, and started to gang up on the seven teens.

"Does anyone else get the feeling we should leave?" said James, getting backed into a corner by a house-elf with bared teeth.

"Uh, I hate to agree with James," began Lily, fighting off a house-elf with a wooden spoon she had grabbed, "but yeah, maybe it would be good to get outta here."

Tyson gallantly kicked away the house-elf that was attacking Lily. "I'll save you!" he cried, scooping her up into his arms.

"You'd better put her down right now, or I'll –" began James, jealously taking over his face.

"You'll what, Potty?" asked Tyson scathingly.

"Put me down!" screeched Lily, as Tyson kicked away house-elves.

"But, my fair Tabitha, the house-elves will –"

"I don't care if they eat me alive, anything's better than being here!" Lily kicked Tyson hard where the sun don't shine. "Put me DOWN!"

He doubled over, so Lily leapt to the floor and whipped out her wand. Spinning around wildly, she yelled, "_Petrificus Totalus_!"

Everyone in the room, witches, wizards and house-elves alike, suddenly froze, as their arms snapped to their sides and they fell to the floor like dominoes.

Lily breathed a deep sigh of relief. She looked around at all the bodies. "Sorry Emmeline…Dorcas…I couldn't exactly miss just the two of you."

Emmeline's eyes, the only part still moving, looked furious. Dorcas' eyes were shining, as though she was laughing.

"Okay," said Lily, standing in the middle of the frozen body pile. "Now who has the book?"

There was no reply, no shifting of eyes, nothing.

"Oh, come on," said Lily, pacing around now. "I'm sick and tired of this. How long has it been? All I want is the book so that I can burn it, not have a stalker, and not have Lockhart, Argent or Potter find out anything personal about me. Please give me the book." Lily looked at them all pleadingly.

James wanted to reach inside his robes and hand the book to her; he hated the sight of the sadness in her eyes so much. But he couldn't move. A plan was forming in his head for what he would do when he was able to move again.

The portrait to the kitchen suddenly opened.

"Lily?" said a timid voice.

"Go away Annapelle," said Lily, not looking up.

"Have you found my book?"

"No, Annapelle," said Lily tiredly.

"Oh," said Annapelle, disappointed. She looked around and cocked her head like a lost puppy. "Why are all these people frozen?"

"'Cause they wouldn't do what I asked," said Lily.

"Well, it's not like they'll do anything now," said Annapelle. "I mean, they're frozen. I'll get them moving again though; I learnt the spell from watching you."

"No, Annapelle, don't - !" began Lily, reaching out to grab the wand away from her stalker.

But it was too late. Annapelle had already said the counter-curse.

As the bodies began to move on the ground, James leapt to his feet and ran out of the still open portrait.

"After him!" yelled Chris, scrambling up from the floor.

Tyson got up quickly and tore after James, running along the corridor.

"Wait for me!" cried Gilderoy, hitching up his robes, much to the disgust of the girls, and running after the boys.

"Come on!" said Dorcas, getting up and helping Emmeline to her feet. "He has the book!"

"How do you know?" asked Lily, pushing a house-elf away.

"I just do," said Dorcas annoyed. "Why else would we be chasing him?"

The three girls ran out of the kitchens, Chris close behind them.

"STOP HIM!" bellowed Tyson up ahead, catching up to James.

James took a sharp turn, ending up in the castle grounds. He tore through some groups of first-years, pushing them to the ground.

Tyson ran after him, his long strides catching up to James' steps.

Lily, Dorcas and Emmeline rushed through the group of still-on-the-ground first-years, apologizing as they went.

"JAMES POTTER!" yelled Lily, catching up to both him and Tyson now. "IF YOU DON'T STOP RIGHT NOW…"

James kept running, until he reached the lake's edge. He spun round, and saw a huge group of people closing in on him.

_I have to do something_, he thought desperately. _Something_…

**.x.x.x.**

**Second last chapter! Oh….and I was just starting to have some fun. … Hope you liked it, I'll try not to keep you waiting long for the final instalment of Lily's Stalker! (And the Sirius idea, I liked! I'll have to think about that one ****Ms Andromeda Black…**


	15. All's Well That Ends Well Or Does It?

**Chapter 15**

**Disclaimer:** For the last time, if you recognize anything in this story, it was never mine in the first place. Honestly. I didn't even try to call it mine. I've been admitting it wasn't from day one!

**A/N:– Last chapter folks! Enjoy it while you can! Check the note at the bottom for the next story, coming soon! (By the way, all the names Lily gets called, I have been called at some point in my life.)**

"James Potter," said Lily, stepping forward from the vast crowd, and looking sternly at him. "Give me that book."

"Uh…" said James, backing towards the edge of the lake. "I'd rather not."

"James…" said Lily, narrowing her eyes and stepping towards him.

James took a chance to distract her momentarily. He stepped forward and kissed her.

The on-looking crowd wolf-whistled and made kissing noises.

Lily pushed James back, so he was on the edge of the lake again. She looked even angrier now.

"How dare you!" she cried.

The crowd went silent until someone yelled out, "You get him Trixie!"

Lily spun around. "Wha–"

"Hey!" yelled Tyson from the front of the crowd. "Her name's Tabitha!"

"No, it's –" started Lily, but more people started calling out.

"I thought she was Rosie!"

"Nah, her name's Elise!"

"Whatever! She's Amber! They have the same bag!"

"I thought her name was Lois!"

"NO!" yelled Lily, everyone fell silent and stared at her.

"My name is Lily Evans! Not Tabitha, not Trixie, not Rosie – Not any of the names you called out!" yelled Lily, going red in anger. She turned back to James. "Now, give me that –"

"Too late!" said James quickly, throwing the book over his shoulder.

"Nooooooo…!" yelled Tyson, Gilderoy and Annapelle.

Lily smiled, the expression softening her features. "Potter, you actually – AARGH!" she screamed, scrambling backwards.

The giant squid had come to the surface of the lake. In one tentacle, it held Annapelle's little black book.

"No, no, go back, go back, you can have it," said James, signalling to the squid to go back under the water.

The squid made a loud noise like a defeated bird, and started to go back under water. But its grip slipped on the leather covered book. It flew into the air in a graceful arc and landed in the middle of the crowd.

This time it was Lily and James yelling, "Nooooooo…!"

The crowd screamed as the book reached them, and they scrambled to grab it.

"Let me through!" screeched Lily, shoving people out of the way and cursing them as she went.

"It's mine!"

"But I love her!"

"I saw her first!"

"It landed at my feet!"

"It was so on my foot!"

"But the book is so pretty!"

"I need a new diary!"

"So do I!"

"I need a new Transfiguration book, otherwise McGonagall will kill me!"

"I don't care if she curses you to Tahiti, give me it!" yelled Lily. She pushed through and grabbed the book quickly. She looked at the crowd around her, breathing heavily. "There's only one way to solve this," she said. Whipping out her wand, Lily tapped the book and said, "_Incendio_!"

The book burst into flames, so Lily dropped it quickly onto the ground.

"There's a year's work of stalking in there!" cried Annapelle from within the crowd.

"And good riddance!" said Lily and James in unison. Their eyes met, and Lily quickly tore her gaze away.

Lily sighed and rubbed her forehead. Dorcas and Emmeline pushed their way out of the crowd and put their arms around Lily's shoulders as only best friends can do.

"You did it Lily," said Dorcas.

"It took a while, but at least it's, um, gone up in flames," said Emmeline, wincing at the pun.

"Maybe now I can sleep easy," said Lily. "No more stalkers in Hogwarts."

**.x.x.x.**

**Little does she know…**

**Final chapter my faithful readers and reviewers, who I can now consider as friends, since we've come this far. I'm sure you'll all be happy when I make this announcement…**

**A new Stalker story! Sirius Black, famed hottie of the school of Hogwarts, just wants to fetch his essay, and finds out a lot more…**

**Coming soon! I've already written the first chapter, so you can look forward to it!**


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